04/26/2024
This is my headshot from MLT’s production of Little Shop of Horrors. I loved this show so much and it will forever hold a special place in my heart. But enough of that who is ready for a cup of tea to be spilled????
I must put a disclaimer here because I’m going to be brutally honest with words, thoughts and feelings. So if you don’t like profanity or bodily functions then please keep scrolling, I will not blame you at all.
Now that’s settled let us get to some super hot tea, not only will this accurate account of happenings, show how uncaring non-empathetic and cruel this administration is.
So on April 11, I was working seeing patients as normal and that afternoon I felt hot and took my temporal temperature and I read 102.3, I immediately said “S**t, what could this be ?” So I start running through the possibilities ie… Covid, Influenza, infection in my liver or something else.
So my hematologist, had previously informed me to go get blood work done if I ran a fever greater than 101.0, so I sent a message to the powers that be over me at the time and was told to bring back a doctors note, which I did. Thank goodness it wasn’t my liver malfunctioning.
Now we get to the humiliating and humanizing part of my experience. On Wednesday April 17, I had reported for work as normal, not feeling bad at all. I received my schedule for the day which included a new admission, a recertification and a regular skilled nursing visit. So for those of you not in home health or Hospice care a brand new patient admission can take me up to 2 and half hours in the home with them. So I’m going along providing information about what services we offer and what the patient needs to recover and reduce future problems. I’m an hour and 15 minutes into this visit when I get a very loud stomach growl, I’m not too concerned because I could be a little hungry and only had coffee for breakfast. So I keep going, then it happens again and this time it sounds bubbly, I think nah my body system is completely opposite to having diarrhea. I’m the type that only goes 1-2 a week, because of my diabetic gastroparesis , so if I get diarrhea something is greatly wrong!!!!!! Then it happens I feel another great rumble, followed by a what I think is a silent fart, but it was a loaded fart. So I’m standing there knowing that I had just s**t myself in a patient’s home. I cannot even begin to express the feelings of humiliation and shame at that moment. Never had I gambled on a fart and lost so badly. I completed the visit and headed to my vehicle with several thoughts, first I sent a text message to the powers that be to let them know that I had a “ Code Brown” accident on my self and that I was headed to Walmart to get new panties, and wipes to clean myself up.
Now let me pause for a second, for those wondering why I just didn’t go home and change clothes or have my husband bring me some clean ones. Well this is occurring in Sallisaw and my clothes were in Muskogee. Troy Graham, had left out Monday for Florida, since his new job is a property manager.
I think that this is a one time occurrence, I’m in Walmart and a huge cramp hits me and I know I’m in trouble. I need a bathroom and fast but even still my brain is thinking go to the back of the store ones, chances are it will be less busy in case I blow the bottom out of the toilet. And sure enough I did. I s**t so much and so fast that I thought that I would be turning inside out and be flushed down the toilet when the automatic sensors came on. I stayed there in this peril for 10 minutes after wave after wave struck and after it was over I was so weak and shaking I could hardly stand. I’m thinking that surely that is all, I’ve s**t out everything I’ve ate for a week and even things I’ve thought about eating next week!!!!! Still I needed underwear and wipes to fully clean my self up. I find both then I’m hit in the gut with a ton of bricks, I think how do I have anything else!!! I set my purchases aside and start doing the I’ve got my butt cheeks so tight that I will not walk with my thighs, lower legs only. This is how my brain works, so as I’m speedily hurrying and the NEAREST bathroom, I think if I don’t make it, I will literally have s**t running down my legs and into the floor. WHAT THE FREAKING F**K, does someone do then? Do I smear it with my shoes until it looks like dirt or do I yell “ CLEAN UP ON ISLE 5” and run like hell out of there. Luckily I was able to get to the toilet and start the cycle all over again. Finally when I was able to walk again, I grab my purchases and haul ass before my nightmare can occur. I continue on with my day, with frequent stops to known and unknown toilets in Muldrow and Roland. By this time I had completed my second visit when disaster struck again and I s**t myself not only did it not stop in my brand new pair of panties it got on my pants too. So my next stop was a church parking lot because I was still 5 miles from the closest store, where I proceeded to clean myself up again change into another new pair of panties and try to get the s**t out of my pants. I had one medicine drop off and a final visit to be done and each time I’m in a house I’m thinking dejectedly, please don’t let them smell S**t on me. By the end of that day my spirit was broken, I was beaten down to ashes. Those who say they wouldn’t have stayed or that you would have called in sick. Remember I don’t have that option, I had been told multiple times that I had no sick days available for any reason. 
That next morning I weighed myself and I had lost 5 lbs from the previous day, five lbs that I didn’t have to loose. So I go to work again, this time completely exhausted, washed out, humiliated and beat up by the thoughts that I have to keep going because of my health insurance and to find out what is wrong with my liver.
Around 11, I’m called in to the back home health conference room by 3, either director or hospital administration and told that the two hours I missed on the 11th was unauthorized and unexcused time off, didn’t matter the reason I was being wrote up for it. I then told everyone in that room the ordeal that I had endured and was told that if I had called in sick that it would have been unexcused and an unauthorized absence also. So my suspicions were correct that it wouldn’t have mattered if I had died I would have gotten another unexcused absence. I shook my head and said “ I can’t keep doing this “ and one of the parties said “ What do you mean?” I remained silent and it was then repeated in a louder tone “ WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” I looked at the party and said “ just what I said “ and nothing else. I then brought up the fact that I had a doctors appointment on Monday that had been denied and was told that it would be an unauthorized absence and consequences would follow. I then said “ I am going to that appointment, so do your worst” Then the meeting was over.
I can honestly say that I have never allowed any person, much less a job treat me in some such a way or manner. Dejected, humiliated, belittled, degraded, and treated as less than human. So why start now because I need my insurance to supplement the Choctaw health benefits to see all the specialists needed to diagnose and treat my chronic illnesses.
I’m completely emotionally exhausted from this, tune in tomorrow for more tea, and I have lots more to spill.
