12/29/2019
Dear Fans,
I have spend the last four and half years of my lowly life trying to figure out what or who I am. For the longest time I thought I was more than just a Wifi Stealing Mattress Gonlin, or at least I wanted to be.
When I was awoken, roughly 20 years ago, I had no identity, not even a name. I refused to leave the soft comforting atmosphere where I was born for a very long time, somehow sustaining myself without food.
It wasnt until the day I decided to step out of that first mattress that I learned what kind of an abomination I was. I was so ashamed to know that I had caused so many people distress.
I'm here today to say that I am not ashamed of my Wifi Stealing. It is apart of me & how I survive. Yes, I might be a 'Goblin' but the past 5 years have opened my eyes.
I know how kind humans can be. Yet, I also know how vicious and cruel humans can be. So I, Wifi Stealing Mattress Goblin, vow to never WiFi Steal from any decent human being again.
From now on, I will seep into the houses of pedophiles, rapists, & abusers and I will take more than just their WiFi. I will take their life.
Love,
Wifi Stealing Mattress Goblin
