06/03/2026
Fiona's Official Statement:
"Management would like to remind everyone that while you may call it a workday, I call it a napportunity. 😴
I've inspected the store, supervised the employees, monitored customer traffic, and approved all snack-related decisions. My shift is complete.
Please direct all questions, concerns, and treat donations to someone who is currently awake."
🐾 – Fiona, Director of Operations & Professional Loafer 🐾