01/02/2024
One day out of random, I texted her. She replied back instantly and even within her words on the mobile screen i could feel a safe space where I took no time to bare my soul out. I didn’t think twice before telling her that I am not okay. That there are a lot of things that troubling me and that I deserved better in life. I kept ranting my heart out about my fear, my insecurities, my faults, my past and she kept listening.
As if that’s what she had on her to do list that day. To patiently read each of my text, comfort my vulnerable by not shredding a drop of judgement in between and when I completed, all she said was - “I know you hardly. But I know you can do better. And even within these numbered days of our friendship, one thing I can guarantee. I am here, to sit and listen to it all. Okay?”
It’s been more than 3 years. And she still keeps her word. I always run back to her when i feel lost, rattled, frustrated or confused. But what changed is, I also rush back and dial her number on days I win,on days I have got good news and I get excited about life. She has become my human journal eventually and I had no idea this is going to come so far. Her patience to ny rants, her endurance to my mistakes, her ability to motivate me to do good regardless of my life falling apart has what helped me stand where I am today. More than a confidant, I found a part of myself in her that understands me like noone else does. And I call her my bestfriend. But I also know there’s something more than that.
She is not the type of girl who does this for everyone she meets. She has a very private circle and claims me to be the center of it sometimes. And I am afraid deep down I know, she is more than just a friend I want in my life. She is pretty and when she smiles her eyes light up but I am not supposed to notice this. You know why, right? Because we are very good friends. And nothing ever can be worse than me losing her anyday. And even though every unconscious part of my brain involuntarily feels she is that safe space I want to spend my entire life with, I deny with all consciousness within me upfront. To myself. To the world. And sometimes, to her.
~SM, a man’s POV.