31/05/2026
Client: A friend has just done something I’ve wanted to do, and I feel really angry with her about it.
Therapist: Thank you for being honest. That’s not always easy to admit. Shall we slow it down and see what’s underneath the anger?
Client: I feel awful feeling it. I should be happy for her.
Therapist: A part of you thinks you should feel happy. And another part feels angry. Can we make space for both? They are both very welcome.
Client: Yes.
Therapist: Close your eyes if that feels ok. Where do you notice the angry part in or around your body?
Client: In my chest. It feels hot.
Therapist: How do you feel towards the angry part?
Client: Quite curious about it actually.
Therapist: Stay with that hot feeling. What does the angry part want you to know?
Client: That it’s not fair. She’s just gone and done it. I’ve wanted that for so long.
Therapist: Ask the angry part what it’s most upset about.
Client: That she did it and I didn’t.
Therapist: And if you had done it, what would that have meant?
Client: That I was confident and brave.
Therapist: Stay with that. What feels scary about being confident and brave?
Client: Erm, being seen. People judging me. Getting it wrong.
Therapist: So is the anger really about your friend?
Client: Actually, no I guess not. It’s about me wanting it too and I'm frustrated that I haven't.
Therapist: So, what I'm hearing is that you really want to do it too. However, you feel scared to let yourself have it incase it goes wrong, so you hold yourself back, but feel angry with yourself about it. Have I got that right?
Client: Yes. Wow. It's not about her at all is it!
Therapist: So, what is the real fear underneath YOU doing the thing?
Client: That if I try, I’ll fail. Or people will laugh. Or I’ll be too much.
Therapist: That makes so much sense doesn't it. So the anger and holding back was protecting something much softer underneath?
Client: Yes. It was protecting me from trying and possibly failing. It was easier to blame her than myself for not doing it sooner I guess.
Therapist: That feels quite the wisdom coming through there. And is there more beneath that?
Client: Fear I'll be left behind and not reach my potential.
Therapist: There it is. That's the part we can work with to help it to start trusting you more to move towards your true desires. ....
*This is an example of how quickly IFS can get to the root, and how relationships can be nurtured instead of misunderstood.
Becky x ♥️