09/16/2022
A self portrait compilation I did, probably a year or so ago, of 5 or 6 photos I’ve taken, but never shared until now. My idealized self — comfortable, peaceful, curious, fantastical … and yet … not revealing anything much at all self. There’s so much to discover in here, amazing and mundane all at the same time, and I find it difficult to know how much to offer to others and how much to keep for myself, where it is unseen but safe.
But for some reason, today, I feel like making an offering to whomever may be passing by, with no expectations of what happens after.
Today I’m ruminating on where I’ve been and contemplating where I’m going with this widening sensation of feeling done with making and taking photographs.
Photographing people, specifically, has certainly never been comfortable for me. I think I’ve been trying to figure something out, wanting to understand something and I’ve learned tons.
I don’t know, maybe that aspect of me is just taking a break right now because it was so very exhausting.
It’s much easier to simplify, simplify, simplify until everything becomes neat and tidy and pretty, and it’s just me and an idea and a computer and I can shape things any way I like. But unless I keep getting new inspiration and materials to draw from, that loses its appeal eventually.
I’m in a strange, in-between place, mentally dipping my toe into different waters, a little terrified of what kind of splash I’ll make if I jump or dive right in.
I think my life coach (hi ) might tell me to celebrate the bellyflops (100 times at least!) while aiming for the swan dive, and I’m doing my best to embrace that mindset.
I still have photos from past shoots that I’ll probably be posting soon, so don’t be surprised by that. Otherwise, we’ll just have to wait and see what comes next.
