02/10/2026
Dementia and Alzheimerās steals your memories - it pulls them out and shatters them into little pieces that canāt be put together like a beautiful puzzle. Itās a thief in the night that comes and encourages you to wander your home looking for them. You donāt sleep, you forget to drink water, you forget to take your necessary medications, you forget to eat.
Iām in NB on an emotional and emergency trip as for the last few years my mom has been declining. I knew things were bad before I arrived but seeing her decline in person was most heartbreaking. Mostly speaking in the past tense as sheās not present in the day to day and every single sentence is disjointed and distorted.
She may not have been the āperfectā mother but she was a special kind of woman that was vibrant, had some of the most amazing friends, still has some that are alive, she was sweet, she loved people, she loved to laugh, she loved anything vintage or antique, she was the first person to love my posts and comment on them. Now she canāt even remember how to turn on her computer let alone her password š
Iāve been here sitting with her in her home between long overdue doctors appointments, listening as she rambles on and not making much sense. Iām spending a lot of time just holding her cold handās trying to ground her and tell her that I love her.
Thereās a massive part of me that feels a strong sense of guilt, guilt for not coming sooner, guilt that I didnāt push to have her come and be closer to me in BC. In BC where it would be easier to see her regularly and remind her of who I am and who I am to her.
Today Iām going to bundle her up and weāre going to drive to the ocean as I know that even though she is not completely aware of the Atlantic coast it will more than likely be her last time.
Tomorrow I will lie to her yet again and tell her that we are going to see the doctor. Itās a place that Iām not completely happy about leaving her in but sadly thereās not a plethora of choices in NB. While sheās eating lunch with the other residents Iāve been told to just slip out the door and not look back. Once I was told this a few days ago my heart shattered. Continuing in commentsā¦.
